The Adventures of Ed and Envy
by teh-chibi-alchemist
Summary: Me, Ed, and Envy. Ed and Envy's adventures with televisions, movies, homework, and coke! Humor, does not take place in the FMA world.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Neh…don't own. Too bad.

"Ed! Where is my can coke! You know I wanted it!" The brunette glared at a small blonde boy who was cowering nearby under her computer desk. "I told you not to drink it!" He just grinned, and held up an opened can of coke, half-empty.

"Hey! Palm tree! Get over here!" She called, to the green haired sin nearby. He merely shrugged and smirked. "Envy! I demand you run to the store and get me another can!" He merely cocked an eye brow at her, "Why can't the chibi? He drank it!"

"Because, Envy. I told you too. Besides, I like him more!" Envy just grumbled, and Edward stuck his tongue at the unmoving sin. She turned to the blonde boy, "Now, you Ed. You have to do my math homework."

"What! Why!" He exclaimed, while Envy just laughed from behind the girl. "But, but, why Jessica?" She smirked, "Because, Envy is going to the store to get me the replacement for the pop _you_ drank. You, in turn, have to do my homework."

Envy stood, "Fine, I'll go. Anything is better then doing stupid homework!" She dropped money in his hand, and added. "Go as me, please. It'd look weird if you went looking like a palm tree." Envy glared, while the alchemist just laughed from under the desk. "I'm not a palm tree!" The sin exclaimed, as the female shoved him out into the cold snow.

She closed the door, and turned to grin at the short alchemist. "Now, Edward. Its time for you to do my homework!" She grabbed his hand, and dragged him onto a chair, which she pushed into a table. She set her textbook in front of him, open to the page. "Fractions? Oh, jeez, I hate these!" he exclaimed, and she handed him a pencil and paper.

"Now, Chibi. Get to work! It'd better be good too."

Envy returned, holding a can of unopened coke, and found the girl, Jessica, on the computer. He sat the can in front of her, and she looked up. "Your back Envy? Good! Now, you're free to watch a movie or TV." Ed glanced at the tall sin, and growled. "How come he can relax?"

The brunette smirked at Edward. "He, is done. You are not. When you're done you can." She explained, and Envy stuck his tongue out at the annoyed blonde.

A/N I'm continuing this in chapter two! Like? Don't like? Review!

Its abut to get a whole lot more interesting!


	2. Left Alone

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. Like I said before, too bad!

"Done!" The blonde called, and gave a relieved laugh. "What? Let me see!" The brown haired female stood, and glanced over Ed's shoulder. "Well, Ed." She glanced at the textbook, then the sheet. "I can tell this one is wrong, and this one too." She pointed to questions three and seven. "Fix them."

Ed groaned, and Envy smirked, glancing at Edward from his position on the couch. "Hey, chibi. I thought you were a genius!" Ed glared daggers at him, and returned to the troublesome math questions. After fixing one, then the last one, he snapped back. "I am, but this stuff is terrible!"

"Good job, Ed. Now, you are free." Ed leapt up from the chair and gave a cheer, only to turn and tumble face first, onto his face. Envy burst out laughing, followed by the occasionally cruel girl. "Ed…" she said, giggling at the embarrassed alchemist, "Nice."

Envy looked like he was enjoying himself, as the annoyed teen stood up, red from embarrassment. "Shut up, palm tree!" He snapped, and Envy began to glower. "You, shrimp!" Ed then rose his voice, "WHO YOU CALLING SO SMALL, EATING SHRIMP WOULD BE CONSIDERED CANIBILISIUM?" The girl just sighed. "Shut up, both of you. Now!"

She drank the rest of her coke, and turned to the now silent two. " Ed, Envy. I am going to my Aunt's for supper and games, so be good. Don't break anything, or else. I am warning you! If you lay a finger on my collection," She pointed to her large collection of Boyds Bear villages, " You will suffer. And, it will hurt. Got it?"

She grinned, "Oh, and don't eat everything in the house, or make a mess. Or else. Got it?" She smirked at the green haired sin, (whom was back in his favorite form, and had been for a while) and then Edward. "No coffee, either of you." She put her jacket on, and then her shoes. She turned, but lingered at the door. "Boys, be good!" Then, she left, leaving the two at her house, alone.

The two suddenly glanced at one another, identical smirks appearing on both faces. "Ed, lets see if we can find her diary, or something we can blackmail her with!" Ed nodded, "Good idea Envy."

A/N Nee? Like? Yes or no? Review please! Chapter two will be up soon! I guarantee there will be trouble!


	3. A terrible discovery

Disclaimer: I still don't own it. Come on! Put money together and by it for me!

The two smirked at one another, and waited a few moments after exchanging words. Ed then spoke, "Ok, now she's gone for sure. We can now begin our search." He smirked, as did the green haired sin.

With two little words, "Let's go," the troublemakers began to search the one-leveled house. One began near the female's trusty computer, being ver careful not to touch or disturb it in any way. They knew better then to move it in even a tiny way. Last time, well let's just say, she wasn't happy with them, and had freaked out. With good reason too! (They erased half of her story, which had taken three hours to type out; bad idea!)

Let's just say, they'd both been punished for it!

Envy moved quickly through the next three rooms, as did Edward. They were finally at her room, most likely at gold mine for blackmail info. Or, so they hoped.

They scanned over her bookshelf, but found nothing good or worth while. Nothing was there, but books, spare papers, and other girly things. (You know jewelry, nail polish, etc.) Ed then spotted a coiled notebook on the surprisingly neat floor, and bent down to retrieve it. Envy whistled, and received an angry, annoyed glared from the blonde boy.

He opened the book, and flicked through several pages. Empty, useless, scrap, stupid…he finally found something. A short story. He read over it. The poor blonde read what the couple was supposed to be, but stupidly ignored. Curiosity killed the cat, as people say, and it did indeed kill this kitten.

He finished, looking just plain freaked out, and obviously shocked. The simple story ended with a passionate kiss. "What?" Envy demanded, and grabbed the coiled book out of his hands. He also read it over, the same look crossing his face. "Oh my…" Their eyes met in horror, and Edward finished the thought that plagued both of their minds. "…God."

They dropped the coiled book on the floor, not bothering to close it. They never wanted to see that again, or rather, read it. It was left open, right on that story that caused them much shuddering. They both left the room, and one sat on the couch, and the other one a chair. Golden eyes met violet ones, and they both gave an involuntary shudder again. They clearly didn't like that story!

Finally, Envy spoke, and broke the silence. "Ed? Lets never speak of this to anyone. Again!" Ed nodded in agreement, "Agreed."

A/N Right, this will be continued in chapter four! I hoped you enjoyed this chapter! So, please click that review button on the bottom of your screen and tell me what you think! Can you guess what the coupling was? I personally love it!


	4. Found out!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. Sigh.

"Boys!" The brunette called once again from the door, "I'm home!" She opened it, and a cold breeze swept through the room. She shuddered slightly, and slammed the door. "Ed…Envy?" She called, and then noticed the sin and the blonde alchemist in front of the television. They seemed to be doing their best to ignore her.

A set of golden eyes met her hazel, and promptly moved back to the television. "Edward? What's wrong?" Neither Ed nor Envy replied. "Envy?" She hung her coat up, and kicked her shoes off, which bounced off the closet wall and onto the ground.

Scowling as she moved in front of the TV, Envy finally met her eyes. He and Ed looked…disturbed. "Did you two read…?" A sigh escaped her lips, as she headed toward her room. She entered, and noted the open notebook on the floor. After picking it up, and briefly reading over her story, she smirked, and understood. "I see."

"Edward! Envy!" She demanded sharply, when she was out in the kitchen area. "Come here!" Ed looked somewhat disgruntled about leaving the couch, as Envy was about leaving his chair. They moved into the kitchen, one smirking, and the other grumbling.

She looked oddly strict as she stood in front of the two. "Did you take lessons from Hawkeye about commending people?" Ed cracked a joke, and all three smiled slightly. "Well Ed, Envy, " She bowed her head for a moment to sigh. "I noticed you two read my story about you two. Kissing." She put a particular hiss on the last word, "I notice you guys enjoyed it so much, I thought I'd get you two a treat."

An evil smirk crossed her face, as she shoved the two under something hanging on a light. "You enjoyed it so much, I've decided to make you two act it out!" Her voice raised to a girly squeal and the two looked scared. She pointed up, with her smirk.

"Oh hell…" Ed mumbled, and Envy finished. "…Mistletoe."

A/N Hehehehe! I love putting them in uncomfortable situations! Enjoyed the chapter? Remember, review, review, and review!


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